This isn’t a v long or in depth post, sorry- I ran another ultramarathon over the weekend, have only had 3 hours sleep since Friday and ran 74 miles in that time so I’m pretty exhausted atm! Wanted to write a quick post about this though because I’m realising more and more that it’s probably the biggest positive factor in preventing an ED (re)lapse (can you relapse if you’ve never really recovered fully?) and I wrote an instagram post about it earlier without really thinking about it.
^YES!!! I bought these pyjamas literally straight after the run when I was on the way to a B+B, realised I’d forgotten pyjamas and went into Primark to get some. I was absolutely exhausted, over-emotional and slightly zoned out at the time, and I bought these without really considering what they were like because I liked the unicorn on them and I was post-ultra high and zenlike so nothing really mattered. It was only later today when I got home from work and looked at them properly that I realised it’s basically a crop top and hot pants!
I’ve NEVER worn anything like that before but I’ve been feeling kind of ambivalent about my body over the last few days- yes, I hate how it makes me feel and I still feel horrible and uncomfortable all the time especially in the heat but it can run a really, really long way even if I didn’t manage to whole 100 mile event (I stopped at 74 miles because I was starting to feel really ill and my knee was sore). It’s heavier than I’ve ever been used to and I still feel physically sick if I look in a mirror but without it, I couldn’t run the distances I do which is the most positive part of my life. Distance running is the best form of mood stabiliser I’ve come across including several different medications I’ve been prescribed over the last few years and I need it to help prevent meltdowns or over-emotion ‘attacks’. And without the weight, I wouldn’t be able to do that so it’s a bit of a catch 22! Don’t really have an answer but trying to channel the positivity while wearing the pyjamas… 🦄